Humor and Commentary
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Michael Moore Has Some NEW FRIENDS!
... now why am I NOT surprised ...
Posted June 18, 2004 by Michael A. Morrow
Michael Moore's anti-bush propaganda film "Fahrenheit 9/11" has finally achieved the kind of recognition it deserves! Halleluyah!
Or maybe I should say "Allahu Akbar"? ...
An internationally known organization has offered to assist him in his desire to achieve wider distribution of his cinamatic opus of lies:
"... Meanwhile, in the United Arab Emirates, the film is being offered the kind of support it doesn't need. According to Screen International, the UAE-based distributor Front Row Entertainment has been contacted by organisations related to the Hezbollah in Lebanon with offers of help."(emphasis mine)
With friends like these ... heh-heh.
Yo! Moore-dude! Now that you know who your real audience is, ring up OBL - he's got a ton of cash, and I'm sure he'd be more than happy to pony up for your little flick.
wait - that just sounded wrong - "... little film." - I meant film!
honest. I did. really.
Space Alien Non-Partisan Observers
No, I did NOT fall off my racebike. Again.
Posted May 16, 2004 by Michael A. Morrow
Sooooo ... if space aliens were to observe the actions of democrats without knowing what party they belonged to, the aliens would have to conclude that democrats were anti-American, and were indeed enemies of the United States.
What other conclusion could they draw from a party that always seems to side with socialists, terrorists, dictators, and mass-murderers, and in turn is supported by socialists, terrorists, dictators, and mass-murders?
I mean really ... when
a Spanish Socialist terrorist appeaser,
AND the Intellectual Guiding Light of the American socialist left,
AND a certain North Korean Dictator (who's responsible for the starvation of millions),
AND a crazed, anti-semite, ex-Malaysian leader,
AND the terrorist TV 'network of choice',
AND a terrorist in Fallujah fighting with Syrian agitators,
AND several other murdering thugs and their supporters around the world all support the Democrat party,
AND that party's candidate of choice for the next president of the United States has praised a Palestinian terrorist leader as a "role model" and a "statesman",
AND who just happens to be loved by the French;
what other conclusion could a dispassionate, off-world, non-partisan space alien observer come to, other than that democrats are anti-American and are indeed enemies of the United States?
Who? ... Me? ... No Sir. Never heard of it. Sir. ...
Posted April 27, 2004 by Michael A. Morrow
*Riiiiinnng* ..... *Riiiiinnng* ..... *Riiiiinnng*
“Can’t say as I have. What is it?”
“REALLY? That sounds radical! When’s it on?”
“Oh, No Sir! I meant that it sounds like something radicals would do. And besides, I watch JAG on Thursday nights.”
“Yes Sir! That would be very disrespectful indeed!”
“Yes Sir. I’m sure that any two Secret Service agents could take on the entire ... what did you call it? ... right."
"The SMACKDOWN locker room."
"... Yes Sir.”
“REALLY? I couldn’t have."
"From my ISP?”
“Well ... I’ve had some trouble with my account being hacked lately ..."
"You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that would you?”
“... I don’t know ... I’ve heard rumors that some agencies have abused ... "
"Oh NO SIR! I’m sure YOU would never do anything like that! ... Sir.”
Do you think changing my password would help?
"What is it?"
“Really? I thought it was pretty tricky."
"The first thing they check, huh? ..."
" ... I guess I’d better change it huh?"
"And ANYBODY could get into it?”
“Yea. Well, thanks for letting me know. I’ll get right on it."
" ... Uh-huh. ... Right."
" ... What night was that on?"
"Well ... if it’s as bad as you say, maybe I should check it out, you know, like, first hand, so I could, like, you know, write a letter and complain?”
“Yes Sir! ... Thanks again sir! ... Take Care! ... Bye!”
SMACKDOWN Review - Part II
It's Gonna Be Uuuu-gly, Folks! And HIGHLY OFFENSIVE! ... You've been warned ...
Posted April 26, 2004 by Michael A. Morrow
"Michael Cole here, announcing at ringside with Tazz. Just moments ago before we went to break, Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, and Tom Daschle came to SMACKDOWN to perform a public service and to tell our young people about the importance of voting. Shortly after they stepped into the ring, it all went horribly wrong. We have to warn you, it's really an ugly sight, and a horrible turn of events.
Here’s the tape of what happened while we were away on break:"
"We now return you LIVE to ringside where this horrible turn of events has escalated into one of the worst disasters in wrestling history."
"... Bubba-Ray slides the table into the ring, and follows it under the bottom rope. Devon is already in the ring stalking Hillary. Now Bubba-Ray is setting up the table, and look at this! Eight Secret Servicemen just jumped into the ring and they've formed a protective ring around Hillary. Here comes Paul Heyman! Maybe he can restore order. Oh No! Rob Van Dam has just clothes-lined General Manager Paul Heyman! He just dropped to the floor outside the ring like a bag of potatoes. Now Rob’s giving Paul Heyman a piece of his mind for having him beat during the last episode of SMACKDOWN. Paul Heyman is DOWN, BUT LOOK! Here comes Booker T! LOOK OUT ROB! ...OOOOH! ... That had to hurt! It looks like the Dudley boyz didn’t think much of that. Devon and Bubba-Ray have both come sliding out of the ring feet first to come to Rob Van Dam's aid. Looks Like Booker T’s got his hands full."
"Vince seems to have recovered his composure ... looks like he’s got something to say ... he’s moving towards the center of the ring, and ... WHAT’S THIS?? It looks like a couple of the Secret Servicemen have misstaken him for just another thug! They’re clubbing him into submission! Now they’re dragging the Chairman of the WWE out of the ring! I think they’re trying to arrest him! LOOK! Here come Triple-X and Batista running down the ramp to Vince’s aid. It’s the start of a melee outside the ring, folks! Another Secret Serviceman is jumping out of the ring to assist the two being pulped by Triple-X and Batista. Three agents down, five to go."
"Victoria won’t make THAT mistake - she’s staying well away from the Secret servicemen - She’s in the opposite corner. Yea, she’s not dumb!"
"It looks like Bubba-Ray has gotten a glimpse of one of Hillary’s legs - his eyes are glazing over ... he's walking towards the ring .... Whew! Devon finally saw the look on his face and headed him off before he got back in the ring, and now they're back to tag-teaming Booker T."
"Well, at least Hillary's safe for now, and ... OH NO! Look! It’s Molly Holly! She’s running towards the ring! She’s still got unfinished business with Victoria because Victoria pulled her wig off the other night on SMACKDOWN! Here she comes! Ooooooh! What a shot! Victoria’s running away from Molly - now Victoria’s trying to dodge behind Hillary and what’s left of her Secret Service detachment. Ooooooh! Molly just swung at Victoria and missed! She’s just clocked one of the Secret Service agents and he is DOWN! Two of the agents have now grabbed Molly, and .... WHAT’S THIS! Hillary Clinton is Hitting Molly Holly! Now she’s grabbing Molly’s hair, and ... OH NOOOO! HILLARY HAS PULLED OFF MOLLY HOLLY’S WIG! THAT wasn’t a smart move Hillary! Molly’s Furious, but she can’t do anything with two agents holding her. BUT LOOK BEHIND THEM! Where'd he come from! It’s HARDCORE HOLLY - and HE’S GOT A CHAIR!. WHOOOA! He’s just clocked both the agents that were holding Molly Holly, and they are DOWN FOR THE COUNT! It looks like Hillary’s only got two agents left to protect her." "If I were her, I’d beat a hasty retreat!" "Molly Holly’s loose now, and look at Victoria run!" "Can you blame her after what Molly did to her last week? Victoria’s not up for this - she’s ducking out of the ring in a big hurry! Molly’s furious. She’s storming around the ring looking for SOMEBODY to take it out on!"
"Oh Boy! ... Molly Holly has just spotted Hillary, and Hillary’s still holding Molly’s wig. RUN HILLARY! Molly’s heading for Hillary, and ... What's This? HARDCORE HOLLY is threatening the last two agents with that chair! They’re trying to keep away from Hardcore, and now Hillary’s exposed! OH NO! Molly Holly’s got Hillary by the hair! Come on agents, do something!" "It doesn’t look like they want to get involved with Hardcore Holly, and Molly Holly’s taking advantage of the opportunity! She’s just WHALING on Hillary!"
"LOOK! HERE'S a distraction! It’s Sable!" "WOW! Does she look HOT Tonight!" "She ALWAYS looks hot! Look at the way she steps into the ring!" "And look at Tom Daschle - maybe this is his chance to escape while everybody’s watching Molly Holly beat Hillary." "What’s Sable doing?" "I'm not sure, but it looks like she’s eyeballing one of the agents." "OOOooooh! Sable just stomped Tom Dashle! Now she’s got him in a headlock! Ooooh! Sable just DDT’d Tom right in the middle of the ring! What is it about that guy? Every WWE Diva that sees him, seems to feel the need to abuse him." "Funny, but I feel the same way, Tazz."
"Now she’s doing that come-hither thing with that agent. Looks like he’s up for it. Now she’s leading him off to the corner of the ring, and Ooooh! That’s gotta hurt! Sable just decked him with a low blow, and he just rolled right out of the ring! Hey! Where’s Sable going? She comes in, stomps Tom Daschle, rolls a Secret Service agent, and then just leaves?" "I don’t know. Beautiful women don't need a reason for anything they do - maybe she’s got a date." "Now there’s only one agent left!" "Yea, but he's not doing much to protect Hillary. Molly Holly is really going to town on Hillary for ripping her wig off! Can’t anybody help Hillary?"
"Here comes Rico! It looks like he wants to protect Hillary!" "That’s disgusting! Rico just goosed Hardcore." "Hardcore’s turning away from the last agent - now he’s staring at Rico, and Rico’s smiling! Hardcore looks like he’s backing off and turning away, and Rico’s taking a bow. OH NO! Hardcore Holly just turned back and clocked Rico with that chair - LOOKOUT TAZZ! RUN!"
"Ladies and gentlemen! That was one of the biggest smackdowns I have EVER seen! Rico cleared the top rope and landed on the announcer’s table, and just crushed it! Tazz, I don’t know about you, but I’d feel a whole lot safer announcing from behind the spectator wall!"
"Well that didn’t last long, and Molly Holly is still beating the stuffing out of Hillary." "At least it won't damage her looks any." "That's a TERRIBLE thing to say." "Hey! Just telling it like it is." "Can’t ANYBODY protect her?"
"Waitaminute! What’s that music? Could it be? IT IS! It’s John Bradshaw Layfield! He’s stepping into the ring! What a Great American! And look! He’s gesturing that he’s going to help defend Hillary!" "Well, it’s about time. Molly has pretty well pulped her." "Looks like Molly Holly got her wig back, and Hardcore Holly is escorting her from the ring. John Leyfield has taken up the challenge - he's shaking hands with the last remaining agent, and ... LOOK OUT! It’s the World Heavyweight Champion Eddie Guerrero! He’s sneaking up behind Leyfield! WOW! Eddie Guerrero has JUST NAILED John Bradshaw Leyfield with the World Championship belt, and he is OUT COLD!"
"At least Hillary still has one agent to protect her, and that's ... LOOK OUT! Hardcore Holly's back with his chair! The last agent doesn't see him! Oooooh! Right out of the ring under the ropes with one swing of the chair! Now there's nobody to protect Hillary at all! Hardcore Holly is leaving the ring, now he's walking up the ramp and ... he's waving to the crowd!"
"The crowd has gone NUTS! Eddie Guerrero has got John Leyfield’s $1000 cowboy hat, and he’s strutting around the ring with it. Uh-oh. Looks like he sees Hillary laying there in the middle of the ring." "Whataya think he’s gonna do?" "He’s looking ... you don’t think he’d ... He’s bending over Hillary ... what’s he ... HE'S STEALING HER JEWELRY! HE CAN’T DO THAT! That's a disgrace! And HER WATCH! And HER RING!" "Well, the ring didn’t mean anything anyway." "Yea, but it’s the principle of the thing - ya just don’t steal a person’s ring when they’re out cold." "Who’s gonna help Hillary now?" "I don't know. Is there anybody that CAN help Hillary?"
"Wow! Here’s your answer! Is that who I think it is??? IT IS! It’s THE BIG SHOW! The BIG SHOW's still smarting from being beaten by Eddie recently, and he’s got a score to settle! Look at Eddie! He’s mocking the SHOW! The BIG SHOW is running towards the ring, but Eddie's already gotten into his Low Rider, and he’s driving out the back entrance! And He’s WAVING to the BIG SHOW! Look at the SHOW go! Who’d have thought a guy that big could move so fast. I guess we won’t be seeing him again for a while. Hillary's running out of help. Is there anybody in the locker room ..."
"LOOK! Look up the ramp! Bubba’s gone catatonic! ... What’s he? ... OH NO! I thought she escaped! The Dudleys have caught Nancy Pelosi! They’re dragging her back to the ring! Devon’s pulling out another table and setting it up in the ring! Now Bubba’s dragging her into the ring by her hair! Now he’s dragging her to the ropes in the corner! They're on the top rope! He’s ... OH NO! ... IT’S THE 3-D!!! THEY JUST 3-D'd NANCY PELOSI!!! And the crowd is cheering like crazy! The crowd is sick! Look at that table! It’s totally crushed!"
"In all the mayhem, it looks like Tom Daschle’s trying to crawl out of the ring, and ... WHAT??? Molly Holly has snuck back and she’s dragging Tom back to the center of the ring! What’s she doing?" "Maybe she’s trying to protect him." "That’s a funny way of protecting him - it looks like she’s setting him up for another body slam. OH NO! Here it comes! Ooooooh! Tom’s just been slammed by another one of WWE’s Divas. He’s just not getting ANY respect from the ladies of the WWE."
"I wouldn't worry about Tom! Look! Hillary's coming to! She’s trying to get up! And she's got nobody to protect her! Molly sees her! Now Molly's stalking her! Hillary sees Molly! RUN Hillary! Hillary’s backing away, and ... It’s ... It’s ... It’s Spike Dudley! Where’d he come from? What’s he doing ? It looks like ... He wouldn’t, would he? Hillary’s backing away ... Spike’s looking around ... nobody’s watching ... Hillary doesn't see him! ... Isn’t there anyone to come to her aid? Hillary's staggering around - she turns ... it looks like ... OH NO! He's gonna ... OH NOOOOO! He’s speared her!!! Spike has speared Hillary and she's down in the corner, and ... Molly's walking up the ramp, smiling and waving to the crowd! Nobody's in the ring except ..."
"... OH NO! It’s Rikishi! Where'd he come from! Look at the look on his face! He wouldn’t do that would he!?! Not to a former first lady!?! The crowd is going wild!!! ... Rikishi’s ... NO! ... He’s really going to do it!!! AND ... HILLARY! HILLARY! STAND UP! Oh, the horror of it all! Rikishi’s getting set ... everybody else is down outside the ring! There’s nobody to help her ... where’s the Secret service??? ... NOOOO!!! Here he comes! ... He’s really gonna to do it! ... OH NOOO!!! HE’S REALLY DONE IT! ... HE GAVE A STINKFACE TO THE FORMER FIRST LADY!!! LOOK!!! SHE’S CLAWING AT HER FACE!!! SHE’S ROLLING ON THE FLOOR!!! AND HERE COMES SCOTTY-2-HOTTY!!! LOOK AT HIS EYES!!! OH NO!!! NOT ... HE IS!!! HE’S GONNA DO IT! HOW CAN HE DO THIS TO A FORMER FIRST LADY?!? HERE IT COMES!!! THE CROWD IS GOING NUTS!!! THEY’RE ACTUALLY CHEERING HIM ON!!! IT’S ... IT’S THE WORM!!! The crowd ... they’re going nuts!"
... W! .. O! .. R! .. M! ..
WOO...WOO...WOO ... WHAM!!!
"SCOTTY HAS JUST PINNED THE FIRST LADY!!! THE CROWD IS GOING BERSERK!!! RIKISHI AND SCOTTY HAVE JUST TAG-TEAMED THE FIRST LADY!!! AND ...WHAT ARE THEY DOING ??? ... They’re ... They’re gonna DANCE??!!?? ... AND LOOK!!! IT’S GRAND MASTER SEXAY!!! WHAT'S HE DOING HERE??? He’s supposed to be on WWE RAW! What’s he ... ... He’s got ... He’s got 3 pairs of SUNGLASSES!!! He’s PASSING THEM OUT TO Scotty 2 Hotty and Rikishi ...and ... they’re ... they’re not really going to ... Who turned out the lights??? Look!!! They’ve put a spotlight on Rikishi, Scotty, and the Grand Master!!! THE CROWD IS STANDING ... They’re gonna do it!!! Oh No!!! EVERYBODY’S DANCING!!! HAVE THEY NO RESPECT??? WHATAYA MEAN SMACKDOWN IS OVER??? IT CAN’T END LIKE THIS!!! THE FORMER FIRST LADY IS JUST LAYING THERE IN THE RING!!! EVERYBODY'S LEAVING!!! THEY'RE DANCING IN THE ISLES!!!"
I can't believe it. This has been one of the most terrible ... wait ... there’s some movement outside the ring ... one of the bodies is moving ... it’s Rene Dupree, the Frenchman! It looks like ... It looks like he’s climbing into the ring, and he’s ... he’s picking up Hillary, and OH NOOOO!!! I’M BLINDED!!! DID YOU SEE WHAT HE JUST DID??? HE PLANTED ONE RIGHT ON HER LIPS!!! And now he’s carrying her out, stumbling over the bodies. I can’t believe what we just witnessed!"
"Ladies and Gentleman at home, they might as well cancel the next WRESTLEMANIA pay per view - nothing can top this ... nothing ... it’s just too ... too ... too horrible to contemplate. WHAT??? VINCE!!! HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT??? Whattaya mean "think about the ratings?" Tazz, that’s just wrong! And besides ... she wouldn’t come back, not after this."
"... How much? hmmm ... You really think she’d come back? ... VINCE!!! THAT’S DISGUSTING!!! And besides ... you wouldn’t actually ask one of our FINE WWE RAW or SMACKDOWN Divas to do that? WHAT??? YOU’D WRITE IT INTO THEIR CONTRACT??? THAT’S JUST EVIL! I’M LEAVING! I CAN”T BE A PARTY TO THIS! YOU ANNOUNCE IT AT THE NEXT SMACKDOWN! OWW! Who left all these bodies in the isle? Somebody turn the lights back on please!"
Hillary and Pelosi to appear on WWE SMACKDOWN!
Have they actually WATCHED an episode of WWE SMACKDOWN?
Posted April 22, 2004 by Michael A. Morrow
From THE HILL:
Pelosi, Clinton in WWE smackdownI can't wait. If Hillary, Pelosi, and Daschle actually get into the SMACKDOWN ring, you can bet I'll have a tape in the machine!
I've just got one question - Have any of these democrats actually SEEN an episode of SMACKDOWN? If they had, they'd know how risky (how much fun? heh heh!) appearing in the ring on SMACKDOWN might be. The SMACKDOWN audience is the most irreverent audience on television today, and one of the least tolerant of perceived anti-american points of view. Good guys get cheered, bad guys get jeered. Hey - let's just tell it like it is.
I can see it all now .... roll the tape boys:
Vince McMahon steps into the ring to the usual crowd chant ...
Hillary and Pelosi to appear on WWE SMACKDOWN!